


By Any Means

by Kellygirl



Category: Firefly
Genre: M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-09-18
Updated: 2005-09-18
Packaged: 2019-04-29 08:12:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14468553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kellygirl/pseuds/Kellygirl
Summary: An AU where Simon meets the crew of Serenity at a later time.





	By Any Means

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Firefly’s Glow](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Firefly%27s_Glow), and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2018. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Firefly's Glow collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/fireflysglow/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** No Spoilers for the movie. Some things in a few episodes may be referred to.  
>  *** Heartfelt thank you to Maystone for the awesome beta and cheerleading. This story improved by leaps and bounds after she got ahold of it.

  
Author's notes: No Spoilers for the movie. Some things in a few episodes may be referred to.  
*** Heartfelt thank you to Maystone for the awesome beta and cheerleading. This story improved by leaps and bounds after she got ahold of it.  


* * *

By Any Means

## By Any Means

By Any Means 

Simon thrust the needle into the man's arm. The young man would not remember anything that had happened in the last six hours. He would wake up and just think he'd passed out after a good time. The drugs Simon used earlier did their job, and the man had told Simon everything about a small group of young rich men that were becoming a threat to the Alliance. 

He would make a report to his 'employer' and pick up his next assignment. After that, he was promised a visit with his sister. Simon looked down at the man lying on the bed and sighed. He brushed a lock of hair off the young man's forehead. He'd used his mix of drugs on this man two times before and was glad this time it was only more of the same. He dreaded the message he might get to one day interrogate and eliminate. 

He'd received that order only once in the three years he'd worked for Command and he'd disobeyed. It had been about eight months after he'd been allowed to go out by himself. He'd been terrified, but knew he couldn't kill anyone. The target wasn't a threat so he'd wiped his mind completely, given him a new identity and used his training to make the man disappear. He'd been sick with tension for weeks, sure Command would come and make him disappear. It didn't happen and like many things, Simon put it in the back of his mind. That had been back when he'd had hope, but now if he was given the order to eliminate, he wasn't certain he would disobey. 

Simon Tam, formerly Dr. Simon Tam of Capital City, did his standard sweep of the room. No trace of his presence remained and he would take the back way out. No one would be able to tell the man lying on the bed where he'd gone. All the man would remember was a good time with a friendly stranger he'd met in a bar. 

He walked quickly back to his room and reported in. He didn't know what they would do with the information he sent them but he told himself it didn't matter. Only a few things mattered in life and his morals were no longer one of those things. He ordered room service and waited for the information on his next job to download. No one would think the quiet, polite man in room 178 was an expert at getting information from anyone placed in his path. 

His specialty was using drugs to get information from people assigned to him. These people, or nicks, that he questioned and pried information out of never suspected his intentions. He used drugs, potent cocktails that he put into a body's bloodstream. He was also trained to read body language and correctly interpret the meanings behind what people said. 

His new assignment was a man named Malcolm Reynolds. He'd fought in the war and had survived the bloody battle that had been Serenity Valley. Simon gave a cynical laugh when he read the name of the man's ship. There were whispers of a resistance movement and his job was to find out if this movement had contacted Malcolm Reynolds. Simon threw his data pad down and stretched out on his bed. There were always small pockets of resistance, each seemingly unaware of the others. 

The group he worked for loved information, loved to gather it and study it, trying to predict future trouble spots. Most of these little movements were just people spouting off about how unfair their lives were, but some contained a bigger threat and Command knew about them all. Simon himself knew about a lot of the groups and wondered if they even had an inkling that everything they thought they were keeping secret were in files, their movements recorded, predicted, and interrupted how his employers saw fit. 

In the morning he'd fly his shuttle to Sjus'toi City and meet this Captain Reynolds. Should be interesting and a small note attached at the end of his report said if he did well he would be given a few weeks to visit with his sister. That was more time than he'd hoped for and his mind busily made notes of past treatments he'd used to try to cure her and what he could use in the future. 

He was rarely given time to visit her and help her. Most of the time he had to treat her like a patient, and he hated that, hated not having enough time to just be her brother. He knew she hated it too. But a few weeks would do them both some good, although he figured his employers would just use the time to remind him he had no say in his life or that of his sister's. 

Maybe they felt he was not as dedicated as he could be? What did they expect? Of course he wasn't. They'd gotten his sister out of her government-run school, but then kept her hostage. After all he'd done to get her out, he had little choice but to work for them doing whatever he could to guarantee her continued safety. 

He slept fitfully that night, tossing and turning, the bed seeming too big and too small at the same time. He awoke and took care of eating and checking out before making his way to his issued shuttle and taking off. 

* * *

Simon observed the smoky expanse of Sjus'toi City and called up all information on it. It was on the verge of growing bigger but still had many rough edges to get rid of before it could claim to resemble the Core planets. The main business seemed to be tourism and the manufacturing of products for tourists. He thought about his cover and decided on educated and easygoing tourist out to experience life. 

There were two choices to where Captain Reynolds would be according to his information. He lucked out and noticed him in the first bar he walked into. He discreetly observed his nick and saw he was surrounded by what was probably his crew. A beautiful brown skinned woman sat beside him and smiled at a man in a boldly colored shirt. Simon stared at him a moment before moving on to a cute young woman in a pink wildly patterned shirt and jeans. There was a frowning towering man beside her and Simon knew he had to be a mercenary. 

He'd found information on the cortex on Captain Reynolds, but there was less to be found than he'd expected. People in the black seemed pretty loyal to him. From what Simon had discovered Reynolds had a personal sense of honor that showed in the type of jobs he'd refuse to take. Simon didn't know whether he envied that or resented it. He smiled when blue eyes met his for a moment. He looked away then looked at Reynolds again before turning back to the bar. The eyes had still been on him, and if he'd been who he was pretending to be, his heart would be beating double time and his palms would be sweaty with anticipation. 

The beer he ordered was part of his cover, and when Captain Reynolds sauntered over to the bar he smiled at him briefly and offered to buy him a drink. He dropped his eyes involuntarily when piercing eyes looked him over head to toe. Simon was dressed in what he considered casual wear: black pants, dark blue shirt and black leather jacket. The jacket was weather beaten just enough to let people know he wasn't some rube direct out of the Core. 

Captain Reynolds was dressed in brown pants, blue shirt and brown suspenders. His boots looked old but they suited him. He carried himself like he was more than comfortable in his own skin, and again Simon felt that quick pang of admiration and envy. Reynolds' answer came with a brief smile. 

"Maybe later. What's your name?" 

Simon held out his hand. He shook the other man's hand and said, "Matthew. What's yours?" 

He smiled at the answer. His cortex search had already turned up the fact that most people called this man Mal. 

The pitcher of beer Mal ordered was plunked down in front of him and Simon nodded, "Well, Mal, if you decide you want that beer, let me know." 

He got another brief smile and a searching look that focused on his mouth for a millisecond, before his nick walked off. He let out a quiet breath of relief. This was not going to be easy. He was used to talking and drugging people who only saw what was right in front of them. This man was more cautious. 

He could remember thinking the people involved in clandestine dealings would be cautious, and wouldn't trust him or let him get them alone, but he'd had no trouble doing his assignments. This was not a man that would tolerate anyone messing with him or his crew. Simon would have to be very careful. A false move and he could end up on the wrong end of a gun. That couldn't be allowed to happen. 

Simon settled back to people watch, making sure he only looked Mal's way a few times. An hour later a preacher joined them and the crew left. Mal was by himself and Simon decided to make his move. He finished his drink and ordered two more. They were delivered and he carried them over to Mal's table. He placed one in front of the other man and said, "Mind if I sit down?" He got a considering look and a nod. He sat and smiled, allowing a hint of nervousness to sneak through. 

"I decided to be bold. I hope it pays off." He took a sip of his beer and decided to make sure he didn't finish it. Two beers wouldn't do much but he would need all his wits to take on this man. 

"Being bold can pay off, especially in certain situations. What brings you to Sjus'toi City, Matthew?" 

And the game is on, thought Simon. He told Mal about deciding to see a little of the 'verse before opening a shop on Little Minifora. He knew that planet was far enough away from the core so Mal couldn't deride him as some Alliance brat. He added that he was traveling to look for merchandise, too. Mal mentioned that if he needed transportation of any merchandise to let him know. He told him he had a good ship and a good crew; they could get his merchandise, whatever it was, to him intact. He promised to consider Mal and his ship when the time came. 

Simon could feel Mal's eyes on him and it ignited a small spark in his stomach. He looked at Mal's hands, wishing what he was about to do would turn out like it should. 

"I've spent a lot of time saving and scrimping to have my own business. Since I'm looking for items to sell I could justify this little vacation before I turn into a boring shopkeeper. I have to tell you though, I can't justify what I'd like to do with you." His smile was now shy but determined as he waited to see how Mal would respond to his pass. 

Mal's eyebrow rose and the smile Simon received almost made him blush for real. The man's eyes seemed to heat up and Simon could feel tension and anticipation shimmering between them. 

"Well now, that was more bold than I was expecting. We just met, Matthew and I could be a criminal just waiting to take advantage of a man like you." 

Simon laughed, "Depends on what kind of advantage taking you want to do, Mal. I'm a pretty good judge of character and I think you're not looking for anything more than a good time, just like me. And if you're goal wasn't looking for some entertainment, maybe I could change your mind?" 

Simon gave his best flirty smile, his mind already tracking possible outcomes. If this didn't work he would have to come up with something else. Treating Mal to another beer, this one with a little something extra might work, but he would still have to get him out of here and to some anonymous hotel room. 

He didn't move when Mal leaned forward and studied him. His eyes were blue and it seemed as if every inch of Mal's will was concentrated on him. Simon relaxed a little when Mal reached out and stroked his hand over Simon's fingers, briefly touching the back of his hand. He smiled and grasped Mal's fingers, entwining them with his. He swallowed, remembering a time when he'd loved what his own hands could do, all the times they had helped save a life. Now they were just hands that administered drugs that had men and women betraying all they believed in. 

"You got a place?" Simon shook his head. 

"I hadn't had a chance but why don't you follow me and I'll get a room and then we can go from there?" 

They finished their drinks and for the first time in a long while, Simon felt regret for what he was about to do. Malcolm Reynolds seemed like a man just trying to get by. They could probably have been friends in another life. Simon walked four blocks, the conversation with Mal becoming more and more suggestive. At one point he was surprised when Mal pushed him against a wall and kissed him. He opened his mouth, letting Mal in, and was shocked to find himself enjoying the wild kiss. Mal didn't dominate the kiss but enticed and teased until Simon was breathless and leaning forward for more. 

Mal pulled away and Simon took a deep breath and led him to the hotel he'd spotted earlier. His shuttle was two blocks down and once he got what he needed he could start back to Command. 

The room was nice, but Simon didn't care. Mal pressed against his back and helped him take off his jacket. He swallowed hard before turning and putting his arms around Mal's neck. He kissed him and shivered at the touch of a hand pulling his shirt out of his pants and touching his stomach. He turned Mal and pushed him down on the bed. The cute smirk he got made him smile and hid the sorrow he felt. He flexed his bicep and felt the pin needle drop into his left hand. He straddled Mal and touched the side of his neck. Immediately Mal relaxed and closed his eyes. 

Simon's whole demeanor changed. His face no longer showed any of the passion and flirtation it had promised earlier. His eyes reflected cool determination and nothing else. He climbed off the older man and reached for his jacket. He opened the hidden pocket and pulled out a mini recorder and two more needles. The first shot he'd administered relaxed and made the nick sleepy and ready for the next drug. Sitting down on the bed he touched Mal's hand for a moment, tracing a vein before sweeping his hand up to the inside of his suspect's elbow. 

The needle was ready; the air already pushed out. He set the needle against a vein and stiffened in shock when a hand grabbed his and shoved him away. He fell off the bed and rolled coming back up to his feet just as the door burst open. The brown-skinned woman and the mercenary filled the doorway. The woman's demeanor was furious and the gun she held, steady. 

Simon turned, his mind noting Mal sitting up in the bed reaching for his holstered gun. He swept his jacket towards the woman but jerked it back and kicked out. He heard her quiet "oomph" as his foot connected with her stomach, but he was already concentrating on the merc. A small knife hidden on his right inner arm fell into his hand and he sliced toward the taller man's stomach, while bringing up his other hand and pushing the drug filled needle into the man's thigh. He pushed it all the way in and the momentum knocked the bigger man off balance. 

Quick as a snake, Simon ran out the door and down the hall before the man with the loud shirt tackled him from a darkened stairwell. They both fell and before Simon could go for the man's throat with a short sharp jab, pain exploded in his head and he struggled downwards into darkness. 

* * *

Simon became aware that he was lying on a hot, scratchy blanket. He kept his eyes closed and used his other senses to catalog all that he could. Wherever he was, it was warm and the air smelled recycled. His hands were tied behind his back but his legs were free. 

"I know you're awake, Matthew. Might as well open your eyes." 

He opened them immediately and wasn't surprised to see Mal sitting in a chair across from the bed he was lying on. He also wasn't surprised to see a gun pointed at him. Anger at his stupidity nearly choked Simon. He should have sensed that it had been too easy to get Captain Reynolds to that room. He cleared his throat. "That needle should have worked. How'd you counteract it?" 

He didn't expect an explanation and didn't get one. The other man just shook his head, "We all have our secrets, boy and that one will be mine." He relaxed in the chair, stretching and putting the gun away. "Now I would have thought it'd be harder to catch you but you strolled into our trap easy peasy. How long you been working for the Alliance?" 

Simon laughed and pulled himself up. He saw his jacket across the room but already knew all his little pockets and gadgets had been looked over and taken care of. 

"Well, Captain Reynolds, you know I don't plan on answering that question or any others you might have. Tell you what. Why don't you drop me on some planet and we'll go our separate ways?" 

The Captain laughed and shook his head, "No can do. You brought us a mighty fine payday. There are some people right anxious to talk to you; you'll be meeting them in just a few days." He paused. "Or you could save yourself some unpleasantness and tell me now." 

Simon didn't even consider that proposal. The people he worked for were the ones he feared. They had his sister. These people only had him. Was he supposed to care? He'd spent three years proving that nothing got in the way of his assignments, so Mal and whoever hired him didn't worry him. If he didn't escape he was in for a lot of questioning and most likely some torture. None of that mattered. He didn't matter. 

"Yes, I was cooperative, wasn't I? You always kiss the people you're hired to capture?" 

Mal laughed and moved closer. "You should know how well it works. You kiss mighty fine, Matthew. Is that your real name? Do you try to seduce all the people you drug? Who do you report to?" 

Simon made a tsking sound, "You know I can't tell you anything." There was a knock at the door, then the woman; called Zoe entered along with the very angry mercenary. It wasn't hard at all to see the man wanted to tear him to pieces. Probably with that knife attached to his belt. 

He listened as Zoe told Mal that someone named Book was almost finished analyzing all the drugs Simon carried, and that they could possibly be used on him before they reached their destination. Simon still wasn't worried. What good was it for his specialty to be drugs if he didn't know how to counteract ones that could possibly be used on him? There was only one very hard to figure combination that would work, but two of the drugs that were needed Simon didn't carry. Anything they gave him from his own supplies would be useless, and just make him very sick or very sleepy. 

"Okay, tell him to let me know when he's done. Tell Wash to head out. I need to see to some things." Zoe left and Simon watched Reynolds study the merc. He must have seen the same thing Simon saw. He cursed silently when the Captain looked at him then back at his trained dog. "Jayne, you stay here but no marks on the boy. We need to question him, not pummel him. You okay? No aftereffects from what he stuck you with?" 

Jayne didn't even look at the captain. He continued to stare at Simon. Simon ignored him. Everybody knew you didn't stare at wild animals, it only made them mad. 

"I'm fine. Book said I shouldn't have any aftereffects but if I did, just see him and he'd double check some stuff." He leaned toward the Captain and they proceeded to have a heated half-whispered argument. Simon could only hear bits and pieces, mostly of what the merc wanted to do to him. He smiled and resisted rolling his eyes at the strident tone the man took with Captain Reynolds, insisting he could make Simon talk. He didn't know if they were trying to play good guy, or in Reynolds case, almost good guy vs. wild angry guy. 

He looked at Jayne when Mal said, "You can ask him some questions but that's it. Don't go pulling your knife or beating him up. He can't tell us anything if you break his jaw." Simon mentally applauded the sorrowful look Captain Reynolds threw his way before leaving and closing the door. Simon could still hear his footsteps echoing down the hall when Jayne walked over and pulled him up by his shirt. 

The punch wasn't unexpected. Neither was the second one that had Simon falling back onto the bed. He tried to catch his breath while reflex had him scooting backwards until the wall was flush with his back. Despite Captain Reynolds warnings, Jayne pulled out his knife and placed his knee on the bed, ready to either threaten Simon or gut him. He couldn't afford to figure out which one the merc was intending to do. He'd showed him up earlier in front of other people and the man wanted a pound of Simon's flesh in payment. 

He kicked out, hitting the spot where, earlier, he'd sunk a needle into the other man's leg. Jayne should have fallen away and Simon would have made a run for the door. Instead the man fell onto Simon heavy and angrier than he'd been earlier. Simon shifted and struggled, panic threatening to overwhelm him. He couldn't afford to let his fear of being held down be used against him. 

Simon figured out that Jayne may have looked big and stupid but he was quick. The knife was at his throat and Jayne pressed his body into Simon's, using the advantage of his weight to impede any movement of Simon's legs. He swallowed and looked into the other man's eyes. Habit and survival had him using his training to try and predict what the other man would do next. 

"So, are you in the habit of disobeying Reynolds all the time or am I a special case?" He let his body relax and wondered what he could do to get the larger man off of him. If he showed in any way that he was uncomfortable, Jayne wouldn't move and might even up the stakes with some sexual threats. He hoped it wouldn't come to that. He'd bet a lot of credits that Jayne wasn't the kind of man that gave his trust just because he got the sheets sweaty with someone. Simon knew there would be no advantage in even trying. 

He grimaced at the knee that dug into his thigh, but Jayne was getting up and the knife was moved away from the skin of his throat. He spent a few moments sitting up which was hard with his hands were tied behind him. Jayne didn't say anything, just watched him struggle. 

"Them two hits won't leave any marks. That's all he said. 'No marks on the boy.'" Jayne sat down and Simon got all of his attention. 

"Nice interpretation of orders. So, go ahead and ask your questions. Maybe you can get in a few hits to my jaw without breaking it." Simon wondered what Jayne would have done if Reynolds hadn't told him to be careful. He didn't want to witness an unleashed merc, but he had to push and find something he could use that would get him out of this and off this ship. He didn't report in soon, they'd be sending someone after him, and there was no telling what they would do to his sister. 

Resolve strengthened by the image of his sister in his head, Simon waited for Jayne to make a move. 

"What's your real name? How much do the people you work for know about us?" 

Simon pursed his lips and only looked at Jayne. So he was worried about himself and then the crew. 

He expected the knife to come out and some more vague threats made to his body. He might as well just toy with Jayne until Reynolds came back or someone new showed up. "Matthew is my real name. I have no idea what you're talking about." 

"That so? Them needles and drugs - them just your idea of foreplay, Matthew? 

Simon laughed and winked at Jayne. "Hey, we all have our little kinks. How do you know your handsome captain hadn't agreed to it?" 

Jayne only shook his head and asked, "So do you actually fuck any of the people you lure to you or are you just a big tease? Do your bosses know how you work? How many times you drugged someone to question them?" 

Simon didn't bother to reply, only rolled his eyes and made a show of looking around the room in boredom. Jayne laughed and Simon looked at him. There was an ugly smirk on the other man's face. 

"I didn't think you'd answer, liumang, but that's fine. When the captain gets back I'm gonna enjoy seeing you fold and tell us all we want to know." 

Simon wasn't worried. He'd escape, and make his way back to see his sister. He'd been working on a plan to get her out for over a year but it would be hard. He went over the plan in his head and when he was done with that he let his mind drift while he waited. Jayne had pulled a magazine out of somewhere and was busy with that. He didn't see Simon as a danger, and Simon could tell he had a lot of faith in what Reynolds and the rest would do to him when the time came. 

The door slid open sooner than Simon would have suspected and Mal came in. He didn't say anything only pulled Simon up by his shoulders and led him out the door, Jayne following behind them. Reynolds pushed him into a dimly lit dining area. He sat where he was directed and was faced with a grim Zoe, the man with the bad taste in shirts, and three other people. Mal sat somewhere out of his direct line of sight, while Jayne took a seat where Simon could see the gleeful look that said the entertainment was about to begin. 

An older man with graying hair started to talk. The collar around his neck said he was a preacher but Simon had never met one that knew as much about drugs as this one did. He cursed silently when the man told everyone the two drugs they needed to make Simon talk were on board and combined with some of Simon's supply was ready whenever the captain wanted it. Why would they even be carrying those drugs? Simon looked at all of them. What kind of ship was this? 

His eyes traveled past a young girl's face then moved back to her. She blushed at the look from Simon and smiled before frowning and looking down at the scarred table. 

"Thanks, shepherd. Go ahead and get that needle ready. Might as well use it. Kaylee?" 

The young girl looked up and past Simon to where Reynolds was sitting. 

"I looked over the shuttle," she said. "I couldn't really tell where it came from, but it was well taken care of. I dug in the system with Wash's help. Some of the locations we were given are in there. I had to disable the tracking device, but I got some parts out of it that we might could use." 

Simon heard a roaring sound in his head and Reynolds voice behind him, saying, "Good girl." He was definitely going to be in trouble. He knew the tracker was on the shuttle, even knew how to get rid of it, but he left it alone. No reason to give his employers any hint that he knew they kept close tabs on him. He sat up straighter when he saw Book come back in the room, a needle full of purple liquid held in his hand. Oh god, this was going to hurt. He'd seen a demonstration of this drug mixture used and it had not been pretty. Simon wondered if it was going to hurt more because he knew what would happen, or if the pain would be the same. 

Reynolds came into his view and looked at him. Simon raised his chin and hoped none of the fear he felt showed on his face. If it was just him at stake, he'd tell them what they wanted to know, but it wasn't. Even if he told them about his sister, they wouldn't care. They only cared that he was the bad guy, and they had been paid to bring him to a group of people who knew about him. 

Some of his apprehension must have showed, because Reynolds asked Book what the drug would do. 

"Well, since we can assume he's been trained to resist the drugs he uses on others, this one will strip that resistance from him. After that, he should tell us what we want to know." He paused and looked sadly at Simon before turning back to Mal. "It'll hurt, Captain, and there's no telling when it will start to take effect. Depends on how long he fights it. Could take an hour, could take longer. But it will work." 

Reynolds knelt and stared into his face "You know what this will do to you?" Simon nodded. 

"Look, Matthew or whatever your name is, just tell us what we need to know. Give me something so I don't have to shove that needle in your arm. The people I'm going to hand you over to won't be as polite, but maybe if I get some truthful stuff from you they'll go easier." 

Simon was tempted. He cared nothing for the people who used him to do their dirty work. Loyalty was a concept that he didn't have anymore and couldn't afford. He was loyal to his sister and himself. That was it, and that would always be it. He smiled sadly, mentally shoring up his resolve for what was about to happen. He leaned down and whispered softly in Reynolds ear. 

"I can't do that, and I can't change my mind." Book's hands were soft and kind as he untied him. He didn't fight as Reynolds grabbed his arms and rolled his right sleeve up. They continued to stare at each other, and Simon closed his eyes tightly when he felt the needle slide into his vein. He leaned down again. 

"I wish ...I wish things would have been different. You're a great kisser too, Captain Reynolds." 

Simon stiffened in the chair. His spine felt like it had been replaced with a steel pole. He could feel the drugs burning through his blood, racing to do their job, forcing him to betray his sister. Through a cloud of growing pain he felt Reynolds hands on his arms and at that moment he hated him, hated them all. They were doing this for money. His only reason was his sister. 

Pain dug into his stomach; he gasped and bent over. At least the hands were gone. He tried to ride out the pain, tried to breathe through it, over it, under it. It kept growing, glowing red and hard underneath his eyelids; he could hear himself groaning. Then he screamed. 

Simon knew he'd fallen out of the chair. He curled up into a fetal position, his hands holding his stomach, because it felt like all his insides were about to burn their way through his skin and fall, iron hot to the floor. 

A hand cradled his head and offered him a drink of water. He could hear voices around him, and he burned with humiliation that these strangers were witnesses to his pain. He swallowed a few sips of liquid then coughed and knocked the hand away. The pain was spreading from his stomach to his limbs. He heard a voice from far away talking to him. 

"What's your name? Who do you work for?" He opened his mouth and the shock that he was going to give in so quickly had him opening his eyes. Reynolds sat next to him holding Simon's head in his lap. The look he gave Simon was filled with regret. Simon slowly moved his body until his head rested on the cold metal of the floor. 

"Cao ni zuxian shi ba dai." He hoped he said it calmly but knew the "Tianna!," was said in a pained yell before he threw up the water he'd drunk along with everything else in his stomach. 

Questions floated around him and he tried to concentrate but it hurt to do that, it hurt to do anything but hold his stomach and moan. He found that if he panted quickly, the pain lessened about a fraction and he could hear the conversation going on around him. 

"Captain, he looks so bad. He's not going to die is he?" He missed the answer and moved his body slowly away from the vomit. The door was too far away, but even if it were right in front of him he wouldn't be able to escape. The cold metal felt good on his skin, and he realized he was burning up. His entire body was hot and clammy. Reynolds was talking and he strained to understand what he was saying. 

"Is this what that stuff he gave me would have done, Preacher?" 

"No, Captain. The drugs he gave you wouldn't have put you in any physical pain. They would only have made you very suggestible to his questions, and then he would have wiped your memory afterwards." 

"Hunh, well let's get him to one of the bunks. He don't have to suffer on the floor." 

Hands picked Simon up, and he knew it was Book and Reynolds helping him back to the room he'd been in earlier. He tried to help but he could barely walk. He felt blind and deaf but not mute. No, mute was nowhere around, and the compulsion to just start talking, to just say anything frightened him into biting his lips. 

The sheets felt cool against his back, and he hesitated to open his eyes. The pain still surrounded him and he knew it would only get worse. The cool metal of a stethoscope was pressed against his chest, and his temperature was taken to make sure he was healthy enough not to have some sort of heart attack or stroke before he talked. 

He curled up on the bed. The sheets smelled musty and held a faint scent of perfume. Simon wanted to pray that the pain would stop, but he stopped praying a long time ago. It was around the time he was told he was going to work for Command or his sister would be sent back to the people who cut into her brain. The pain came in waves, building in intensity before stopping and starting the process all over again. He was aware of Reynolds in the room with him but that was it. Later he opened his eyes to see the captain, Zoe, and Book having a quiet discussion. 

The pain slammed into him reminding him it was here and not going anywhere. He was unaware of groaning and whispering his sister's name, but the three people in the room heard him. 

A voice that sounded so warm and gentle asked him, what river? He opened his mouth but buried his head into the pillow underneath his cheek, biting it, hoping it would help him, keep him from telling them anything, because every molecule in his body was urging him to. Hands pulled him up, ignoring the "no" he chanted and asked him again. He leaned back against the wall and shook his head. He tilted over wanting to bury himself back into the covers. The same hands from before straightened him until he was propped against the wall again. 

Simon took a sip of the water offered, but only enough to wet his lips. He hoped that small amount wouldn't make his stomach rebel like it did earlier. 

"Tell us about river, what river?" He shook his head. 

"Not what, 's my sister." 

"Your sister's name is River?" Simon nodded and then realized what he'd said and done. He hugged himself and moaned then put his hands over his ears and hit his head against the metal wall behind him. He knew hands would stop him but he struggled anyway. The pain reminded him it was still there; when he could pay attention to his surroundings again he was still in the room but now he was sitting in a chair. Reynolds sat in front of him. 

Simon blinked and saw Zoe standing by the door, her arms crossed. He turned back to Reynolds when he asked him a question. 

"What's your name?" 

He cleared his throat and didn't fight the words that were there and ready without his permission. 

"Simon Tam, Dr. Simon Tam." He wasn't sure but the pain seemed to pause in its relentless pursuit to make him scream. He rubbed his eyes and nibbled on his thumbnail. 

"Who do you work for?" 

He scratched his arm. The air onboard was dry, it made him feel itchy. "I work for Command." He couldn't answer the next question because he didn't know who headed up Command. He told them about the people he reported to, told them the same people had approached him three years ago when he'd been so desperate to get his sister out of her school. Then the same people kept his sister and trained him how to interrogate people and wipe their memory with drugs. 

Simon wanted to stop talking; he tried but he was like a fountain and couldn't stop the flow of words that poured from his mouth. Captain Reynolds asked, Zoe asked, and he answered every question he could. 

"How many people have you questioned?" 

Simon imagined brakes in his head and it helped for a moment. Then the pain reared and reminded him why he was answering all their questions, why he was so eager to talk. He though about the question and counted. 

"Over two hundred. Some were in the same organization and I just had to verify facts. The drugs didn't allow them to lie, but Command likes to make sure the plans some of these people had were really the correct ones and we were not being fooled by misdirection." 

The captain handed him a cup and he sipped at the lukewarm water. It hit his empty stomach but showed no signs of coming back up. 

"What types of questions did you ask?" This was from Zoe. Simon didn't bother to turn and look at her. He could hear the soft tap of her boots as she walked closer. 

He shrugged. "The usual; how many people were in the group, the names of the leaders, when it was formed, how much money they had behind them, what, if any action they had taken against the Alliance, any future plans. Then other questions depended on how they answered those." He slouched in the chair for a moment before straightening back up. "It was pretty routine and kind of boring." 

The captain frowned. "You seem pretty intelligent, Simon. Why work for these guys?" 

Simon laughed but it was a bitter and sharp sound. "Were you not listening? They have my sister. As long as I do what they want, they don't send her back to the place that played with her brain. I'm all she has and she's all I care about." 

He was angry, so angry it was hard to tell the difference between it and the pain. "You think what, that I like my work? That I believe in whatever screwed up philosophy they have? I could give a fuck. Getting my sister well, helping her so she won't wake up screaming herself hoarse from nightmares is all I care about." 

His anger drained away from him and he wilted in the chair. He could hear Zoe and Reynolds talking but he didn't bother to listen to what they were saying. He felt worse than he did when he realized his sister was in trouble. Right now he just felt like a failure. He knew the drugs were the reason he talked but he still felt like he'd been defeated. These people knew a lot of the information he'd collected in the last three years and now they also knew his weakness. 

Simon had no idea what Command would do when they discovered he'd been caught. They would do something to punish him and that meant them doing something to his sister. A picture of his beautiful sister flashed in his mind. He wanted to apologize and tell her he was sorry, that the pain had been too much. A hand to his forehead interrupted his thoughts. 

"Zoe, go get the shepherd. Simon here don't feel too good." 

Reynolds took hold of his arm and helped him lie back down on the bed. Simon curled into a fetal position facing the door, waiting to see what Book would say. He didn't know the effects of the drug once the subject answered questions. He wondered if this feeling of being a complete and utter waste was normal or if he was special. He tried to tell himself to blank his mind and not listen to any of the whispers in his head speculating about his future. He shivered and met the intense eyes studying him. 

"Are you finished with all your questions? Get everything you needed, Reynolds?" 

The older man only looked at him and frowned. He crossed his arms and then uncrossed them. Simon wondered what Reynolds wanted to ask but was obviously hesitating about. 

"The people you work for? They train you to seduce your victims? I mean, you do that to most people you questioned?" 

Simon closed his eyes. He felt a small knot of shame in his stomach. 

"Yes, most people seem to respond positively to a handsome face. That's what Command told me, and they gave me several suggestions when they told me what I would be doing." If Simon had been sitting up the shrug he gave would have had more effect. "I found out quickly they were right, and I learned to use what I could to achieve my goal and get to the next assignment." 

Reynolds leaned forward, his elbows resting on his thighs. "You ever sleep with them to get the information for your assignment?" 

Simon wondered why he wanted to know these things. What did it matter? It had no bearing on his information about the various groups, but the drugs still flowing through his system compelled him to answer. 

"It just depends on the person I'm trying to lure away. And no, I've never slept with a nick. It never had to go that far." He smiled nastily at the man who had tricked him. "That's what the drugs are for, Reynolds and if you'd behaved like you were supposed to, you wouldn't have even remembered me the next day." 

Reynolds smirked at him. "Why so formal? Call me Mal, seein' as how I know so much about you now. I'm feeling real close to you, Simon." 

Simon sneered at him and turned to face the wall. "Go to hell." His stomach churned and his limbs felt so weak. All he wanted to do was sleep and wake up with all of this being some horrible nightmare. 

He fell into a light doze and as if from far away heard the door slide open and Mal asking Book to check him out. He rolled over rather than have the soft kind hands he remembered touch him. If someone were kind to him right now he would shatter into a million pieces. Book seemed to sense this and checked his temperature and sensitivity to light with a business like efficiency that made Simon wonder if the man had ever worked in a hospital. 

He listened to his diagnosis as if it were someone else. 

"The drugs are still in his system, but the side effects are starting. We'll need someone to stay with him at all times. He may start to act agitated or depressed. Maybe even irrational and suicidal." Simon saw the look Mal gave Book and chuckled. Mal ignored him and gestured for Book to explain. 

"Captain, that's what these drugs do to people. They're harsh and dangerous, and if we aren't careful he might become a danger to himself. I can't give him anything since it most likely wouldn't work. I can take first watch if you want." Mal nodded at him and met Simon's eyes for a moment before leaving. The preacher sat down and pulled out a book. It didn't look like a bible to Simon but it'd been awhile since he'd seen one anyway. 

"Would you like something to drink? Maybe some soup?" 

Simon shook his head and turned back over to face the wall. He tried to make himself comfortable so he could fall asleep. 

He awoke to a hand on his shoulder and turned onto his back to see Mal leaning over him. He sat up when Mal moved away and brought him a tray. He accepted the tray and drank some of the water and sipped the warm soup. His body still felt weak. Sleep pulled at him, but that wouldn't solve his current problem. He continued to sip the soup, glad his stomach seemed to be cooperating. 

"What are your plans for me now? Are you still going to turn me over to the people that hired you?" 

He didn't look at Mal but heard him sigh. 

"Well now, that is the question. It ain't like you had much choice in your criminal career, but then ain't too many who would care about that one way or the other. Sure as hell not the folk payin' me to grab you." He leaned back and studied Simon. "What do you think I should do with you?" 

Simon looked up in surprise at the question. He didn't think Mal was being sarcastic. 

"Just drop me off somewhere. I'll make up a story for Command, something close to the truth that will buy me enough time to get to my sister and get her out of where they're holding her." At the doubtful look from Mal he scooted forward on the bed and put the tray on the floor. 

"I've been working on a plan to get her out; it's not perfect but I really think it can work. I already have two sets of fake identities ready for the both of us; once I have her, we can just disappear. I can even match the price you were paid by the people who hired you." 

He watched Mal think about it and his mind raced with some way to convince him, something that would push Mal over that shaky line and let him go. 

Simon looked at his own hands for a long minute and then watched them unbutton his shirt and pull it off. He scooted to the edge of the bed and dropped to his knees. He swallowed and started to unbuckle his belt. Mal watched him, the chair he was sitting in positioned only a few feet away. Their eyes met and Simon felt a spark of victory when Mal looked away first. His voice traveled through the room, adding to the sudden tension that filled it. 

"I know why you asked me those question's earlier. I know I tempted you back in that hotel room." Simon swallowed and kept the smile on his face even though he wanted to jump up and take his chances trying to get past Mal. Where would he go anyway? If he got out of the room, he would still be on the ship, and they would still have him. 

Simon pulled the belt out of the loops of his pants and laid it to the side. The silence in the room was thick as he took a deep breath and started to unbutton his pants. He heard Mal shift in his chair and knew he was about to speak. He hurried and spoke first, unaware his voice held a note of desperation. 

"Whatever you want, you can have. I-I won't say no." 

He heard a soft thump and suddenly Mal was right there in front of him. Before Simon could look up, hands were lifting him back up onto the bed. He started back on his pants but the older man stopped him, his hands covering Simon's. 

"Don't." The command came out in a rough whisper and Simon stopped and didn't move. A current of air passed in front of him and his shirt appeared before his eyes. He looked up and saw the concern on Mal's face. He took his shirt and put it back on, not bothering to button it. His face felt hot and he knew it was red. Shame and misery hit him like a physical blow, and he turned away from the other man. 

His swallowed around the lump in his throat, and forced words out of his mouth. 

"You must think I'm a pathetic fool to try that." He felt the bed dip as Mal sat down beside him. 

"I think you love your sister very much." 

The kind words worked to loosen the misery he could feel weighing him down. He buttoned his pants and pulled his shirt closed. He looked up; the blue eyes that met his were steady and held no trace of pity or triumph. Simon sniffed and wiped his eyes. He looked at the wetness on his hand and wondered when the tears had begun. 

Simon shifted closer to Mal. One of his arms was barely touching one of Mal's. Deep down Simon knew it was the drugs making him feel so vulnerable but he didn't care. Simon shivered and moved closer. Mal didn't seem to mind that they were pressed tight from shoulder to mid thigh. He knew he was crying. He tried to do it quietly, and Mal didn't say anything or give away the fact that he knew he was crying. 

It had been so long since he'd touched anyone except his sister without a plan to get information out of them. A few other agents at Command had seemed interested in him but he never trusted their motives so he remained alone, concentrating on his assignments and his sister. 

Simon tried to sit up and regain a sense of equilibrium, but Mal grabbed his hand. He raised his head and looked at Mal before ducking back down and letting his head rest on Mal's chest. His body absorbed the heat from Mal as it shook from the drugs still in his system. 

He fell into a light doze with the feel of Mal's hand stroking his. He thought he would have nightmares, that they would nip and gnaw at him but when he awoke from Mal moving off the bed he couldn't remember them. He blinked blurrily at Zoe who was standing in the doorway frowning at them. Simon shuffled to the sink/toilet combo and cleared his throat. Zoe and Mal looked at him then walked outside to continue their discussion. He used the bathroom then sat down on the bed. 

At the sound of the door sliding open he looked up at Zoe who crossed her arms and stood guard at the door. He couldn't tell if the drugs were still coursing through his bloodstream but he hoped not. He did feel a little steadier after his breakdown last night. Having someone there with him, supporting him had helped. He knew it had all been a pretense on Mal's part but he'd needed it. 

Simon smiled sadly. He couldn't do anything about the information they had gotten from him, but his brain was already trying to figure out another way for him and his sister. There had to be one; there had to be a way he could get his sister out and run with her. The door slid open, and the man who had a fondness for brightly colored shirts came in with a tray. He smiled at Zoe and they whispered together. Simon noted the softening of Zoe's features and the brief touch they shared. 

The man handed Simon a tray and he nodded his thanks. "Book says you should be able to eat something, but if it comes back up he wants to know about it." The man laughed. "I hope he doesn't want to come down here and inspect the mess, but you can never tell with him. He takes his work very seriously." 

Simon nodded and took a sip of soup. "He seems like a very good doctor." 

"Oh he's not a doctor. At least he's never said he was a real one. But he does a good job trying to take care of us and sometimes it is a trying job." 

Simon smiled at the man and was about to ask him a question when Zoe spoke. 

"Wash." The man looked at her, and she shook her head. "Don't go volunteering information to the undercover agent, okay?" Simon met Wash's look with a shrug. Wash looked back at Zoe. 

"But sweetie, I thought we were keeping him?" Simon pinned his gaze to Zoe and found her looking back at him. She didn't give any indication that she knew what Wash was talking about. She motioned with her head, and Wash looked at him briefly before following her out the door. Simon considered trying to sneak to the door and listen in but he heard them move down the hallway. 

Keeping him, what did that mean? Wasn't the plan to hand him over to one of the groups that he'd investigated? What was Malcolm Reynolds planning? Well, he wouldn't know until someone came back in, and then he would use all his training to try and find out. He finished his soup and put his tray on a table near the door. He looked up as the door slid open. The young girl from last night came in. She smiled nervously at him and stayed by the door until he walked over to the bed and sat down. 

"Uh, hi. I'm Kaylee and the captain asked me to look in on you and make sure you don't feel like throwing up." He smiled at her. She continued. "So do you feel bad still? I just know the captain didn't want to do that stuff to you." 

Simon sat on the bed and studied Kaylee. She seemed like a nice person, one of those people that was always happy and positive. He wondered what she was doing with this crew. 

"I'm feeling better, thank you. I don't think I'm going to get sick again." He shook his head, trying for an embarrassed smile. "Unless they give me more drugs." 

He gave her a bigger smile when she told him she was sure that was not going to happen. "Everybody was real upset at how sick you got last night. We could tell you was in a lot of pain. Inara argued with the captain, and he even agreed with her but told her it was necessary." She frowned like she shouldn't have mentioned that and Simon asked her a question so she wouldn't start to think about how she was talking and answering him. 

"What do you do on this ship, Kaylee?" She gave him a shy smile and told him she was the mechanic and then told him how she came to be on the ship. She blushed when she got to the part about Mal catching her messing around with the former mechanic. She didn't seem ashamed, just thought she was really lucky that she got a job out of her little adventure. 

"That was real nice of Mal to give you a chance to be the mechanic even though you didn't have a lot of experience." 

She smiled at him and seemed to relax like she was ready to talk about any and everything under the sun. 

Simon asked Kaylee what was the hardest thing mechanical she ever had to do. She mentioned something about being able to break into a deserted ship's airlock and then having to disconnect a booby trap. He asked her how she felt about Alliance type security systems; her answer was a wave of her hand and a roll of her eyes. 

"Those don't take no imagination. They got all them rules and regulations and that goes for their engines and security systems too. I bet I could..." 

Simon looked at a frowning Mal standing in the doorway, his arms crossed. He could tell Mal knew what he had been doing. If he'd had a few more minutes he would have found out what Kaylee wanted most and determined if he could get it for her in exchange for tutoring him on getting past the alarm systems. 

He smiled at Kaylee and said goodbye to her. Mal stopped her by the door and whispered something to her that had her looking back at Simon in astonishment before leaving. 

Simon only shrugged at the angry look Mal gave him. 

"Sorry. Old habits die hard." 

"Don't mess with her. I'll space you before you can blink those pretty eyes at me." 

Simon shrugged again and waited to see what Mal was going to say. He hoped he'd find out what Wash's words had meant. 

"This is how it is. From all that truth you were spillin' out, it don't appear that you're working for the Alliance. Be that as it may, who you are working for looks to be near as bad. Maybe worse. Maybe lookin' to take over themselves before the Alliance is even onto them. Command. Alliance. Different names for the same hundan." 

Mal pulled the chair Kaylee had vacated and sat down. 

"I think we can make a deal that will benefit us both." 

Simon narrowed his eyes and made a 'continue' gesture with his hand. 

"Your sister's being held at the headquarters of this Command, right?" 

Simon nodded. 

"So. Let's get her out. And along the way we can just happen to destroy all their records. And make it look like it's the Alliance come callin'. But first, you pay off the middleman who hired us." 

Simon just stared at Mal, unable to speak for a moment. "You're psychotic. There is no way a plan like that would be successful. It has holes you could fly this ship through. If you went in and did this, Command would catch and execute you all." 

"That's where you come in. You got the brains to close up those holes. You know the place inside out, and you can't tell me that you ain't been spending these last years planning how to get your sister out come even half a chance to do it. Well, here it is Simon. 'Course you're gonna have to fake both your deaths. Don't want either side coming for you after, do you?" Mal shifted in the chair and sighed. 

"'Sides, you owe me. Thanks to you they know about me and my crew. That can't stand. So. Records gone, equals information about us gone. Dong ma?" 

Simon asked the main question that had been on his mind since Mal opened his mouth. "What's to stop you from using my sister the same way they have? 

Mal shook his head. "I'm a thief and a smuggler and a few other unsavory type things but I don't use innocent girls to blackmail people. 'Sides, I ain't doing this for free. I'm keeping the money paid me to deliver you. I also want you on board for at least a year. We got a good medic but a doctor would be better and I know the Shepherd wouldn't mind getting out of sewing us back together." 

Simon ran a hand over his face as if wiping away cobwebs. 

"So let me get this straight. We plan an attack on Command, where we will rescue my sister and destroy their records?" At the nod he got he continued. "How do you know you can trust me? How do you know I won't turn you in to Command once I get anywhere near a cortex connection?" 

In reply he got a smirk and Mal stretching his body in the chair like a contented cat before he answered Simon. "You told us you hate them. They're forcing you to do things you dislike, and you know even if you gave us to them, they wouldn't let your sister go. They might even decide you're too dangerous and put a bullet in your head. Everyone's usefulness is on a timetable with people like them. You know that." 

Simon nodded. "You're right. I think my usefulness was coming closer to an end every day. The fact that I am considered 'gifted' caused them all kind of worry while at the same time they loved using my mind for their causes." 

He thought about it, all the permutations, and all the risks and stuck his hand out. This would either get him and River free or he'd be dead at the end of it. "You got a deal, Captain Reynolds." The hand he shook was warm and hard. Their eyes met and Simon licked his lips in nervousness. He didn't show a reaction to Mal's eyes following the swift movement of his tongue. 

"So do I get to learn the secret handshake now? And how's the rest of your crew going to take this?" 

Mal stood and gestured for him to get up. "They take it the way I tell 'em to. 'Sides, they don't like the idea of some group knowing about us any more than I do. Come on, I'll do some formal introduction type thing after the preacher gives you a look." 

Simon endured Book's tests and sighed in relief at his announcement that the drug was almost out of his system. He caught a flicker in Mal's eyes and looked down. He hadn't even thought that Mal got him to agree while under the drugs. No wonder Mal hadn't wasted time in telling him about the plan. Even though Simon had only been feeling minor twinges of pain he was still compelled to speak the truth. He had to admit Mal was smarter than the average person Simon was used to running across for the past three years. 

He walked with Mal to the kitchen but declined any food and just sipped tea and carefully ate a piece of bread. The rest of the crew entered, and Simon sat there silent while Mal made introductions and told them Simon was now crew. He watched their reactions to this news and noted that Zoe only nodded her head and ignored him. 

Wash smiled and commented on having another person to help with the cooking. Kaylee seemed happy; Jayne didn't say anything, just glared at him with suspicious eyes. Book nodded at him before silently saying grace and eating his food. Mal gestured at a chair and Simon sat down. Mal nodded at an empty chair at the end of the table. 

"Inara ain't here, you can meet her later. She rents out one of our shuttles and uses it for her business." Simon was about to ask what her business was when Jayne spoke. 

"Yeah, maybe you and Inara can trade notes on seducing men, though I don't think she goes for that whole drugging thing." He shut up when Mal looked at him. 

Simon raised his eyebrows in question before Mal told him Inara was a Companion. Again Jayne interrupted. "And don't go getting no ideas. She don't service crew." 

Simon swallowed the last of his tea. "Is that why you're in such a bad mood?" 

Everybody stopped talking and looked at him and Jayne. Out of the corner of his eye, Simon could see Mal smirking at him. "OK, that's enough out of both of you. You'll have the next year to sniff at each other's tails. The only thing I want to hear out of anyone tonight is about the plan and the supplies we'll be needing." 

They talked for the next three hours with Simon right in the middle. He refused to let any detail slide by. This was his sister's life he was talking about, and he was going to know every little part of this plan. Mal called a halt to the planning and said they would work on it some more tomorrow after the payoff to Badger and picking up supplies. He sent everyone off to do chores and walked Simon back to the guest quarters. 

"So this Badger is the one that hired you to trap me?" He waited while Mal decided on how much to tell him. 

"Yeah. Claimed he was working as a middleman for someone else but I don't think he was. He considers himself a big man on Persephone, and having his very own doctor chock full of information available for sale to the highest bidder would be something that struck his fancy." 

They stopped by the room Simon was being kept in. 

"So what will he do when you show up offering him his money back." 

Mal leaned on a small dresser. "Nothing he can do. Especially when I hint that you ain't got much time left with your bosses. It'll do good to start spreading the impending rumors of your death around." He shrugged. "I'll tell him we had you, then you got away, and we figure you're on your way back to the people you report to." He nodded at the room. 

"We'll get another room cleaned up tomorrow, and you can get out of this one. The other room's a little bigger and closer to the infirmary. The room across from it might do for your sister." 

Simon sat on the bed. He ran his hands over the sheets. He would be happy to get out of this room. He cleared his throat. "Umm, thanks for what you did last night. I really appreciate you being there even though it was strange for anyone to witness my breakdown." 

Mal coughed. "I know what it's like to feel defeated, especially late at night when it's quiet and you can't help but listen to those voices in your head." 

Simon nodded. "Exactly." He waited until Mal had his back turned, ready to leave. "You can stay if you'd like. I mean, nothing has to happen but if you wanted something to happen, then I wouldn't be impartial to it." 

He didn't know why he said the words, but he knew Mal understood him as much as anyone could. The past three years seemed to be coming to an end; now Simon would have to find himself again. He'd been so concerned with not messing up, with not giving Command any reason to doubt him or punish his sister that he didn't know who he really was any longer. He'd felt safe last night, and today, with a plan being put into motion, he felt strong and could almost see himself again. 

He kept his eyes on Mal's face when he turned around and answered. 

"I know this ain't easy, trusting me so fast. It ain't easy for either of us. That's to be expected, but neither of us can afford to become something more to each other. Now is not the time. We get your sister back, she's going to need you focused on her one hundred percent and I have no doubt you will be. Meanwhile I'll be busy making sure everyone in the black knows Command is gone and that you're dead." 

Simon nodded his head. He knew he hadn't been mistaken in thinking that Mal was attracted to him but right now was not the right time. But the memory of being curled next to Mal's body, of kissing him, was strong. 

"The offer's open anytime you want to take it up, Captain. I'm just not saying that because I'm grateful. I mean, I am grateful, but I'm not offering you payment or doing this for any reason other than I want you, and I know you aren't that adverse to me." 

They stared at each other, and Simon could see Mal wanted to say something else, but he only nodded and left. Simon got ready for bed, making a list in his head of the supplies he'd need for the plan as well as a list of things he and River would need. 

The next day he gave the now written out lists to Mal along with a code for his account. He told him to withdraw it all. Mal asked him if he was sure. Simon smiled and told him he had two more accounts that were a little harder to get into, so emptying this one was fine. 

"This account you're going to close will have enough money in it to pay Badger his money back. Plus there should be enough left over to get the supplies we'll need for the job and to get me a few other items." 

Mal frowned. "But you don't know how much Badger paid us." 

Simon quoted a price and enjoyed the look of surprise on Mal's face. "That's what'd I pay if I considered myself a big important person on Persephone and planned to sell the information I got out of my captive doctor." 

Mal laughed. "You are a scary man, Simon. I'm glad you're on our side now." 

He watched Mal, Zoe and Jayne leave, then walked to the kitchen to find something to eat. Kaylee was at the table talking to a beautiful woman. He greeted them and made small talk. Inara was very talented at masking her feelings. He could barely tell she was sad and worried about something. He listened as they talked about various things, Kaylee wanting to know about some new dress Inara had bought. When Mal's name was mentioned he suddenly understood whom Inara was worried about. 

He finished his food and said goodbye to Inara and Kaylee, carrying a cup of tea with him. He heard Kaylee tell Inara she thought he was very swai. He hoped she wasn't developing a crush on him. He was harder than he appeared, and he would not risk spreading that hardness and cynicism to someone like Kaylee. 

He joined Wash on the bridge. The cheerful man greeted him and jokingly asked where his tea was. "I would have brought you some, but you might have suspected it was drugged or something." 

Wash laughed. "Good point. I probably would have been a little suspicious." He cocked his head and looked at Simon more closely. "Maybe." 

Simon spent the next hour getting a roundabout flying lesson and enjoying Wash's particular brand of humor. Afterwards, he walked away realizing he'd had a good time. Maybe fitting into this crew wouldn't be as hard as he'd thought. He walked around the ship, amazed that no one was accompanying him. He wasn't noting where things were, but it wasn't a big ship so he was only lost for a minute. He made it back to his room and found Book waiting for him there. 

"Hello, Simon. I have these sheets and things ready for your new room if you'd like to go ahead and move in there. If it needs a little dusting and cleaning I can find you some supplies." 

Simon nodded and took the sheets from Book. He inspected the room and decided it could do with a little cleaning. The supplies Book handed him worked well enough, and he spent the next hour washing and dusting. Simon wondered if he should go ahead and clean River's future room too. He decided against it, the hope and anticipation he felt was unfamiliar and strange. 

He decided to take a nap and woke up when someone knocked on his door. He sat up when Jayne came in without waiting for his permission. Simon didn't say anything, only waited. He wanted the other man to speak first so he could see where this conversation would go. Jayne shut his door; Simon felt a frisson of fear but didn't let it show on his face. He'd known that not every member of the crew would be happy with Mal's decision to let him stay or the decision to rescue his sister. 

"I don't care what the captain says. I get one hint you're settin' us up and I'll kill you, dong ma?" 

Simon nodded, remaining still as Jayne crossed to stand in front of him. He didn't move a muscle when Jayne's thumb traced his jaw then brushed over his lips. 

"No one trusts you. You think the captain feels sorry for you and your sister, but that ain't it. He's got issues with the Alliance is all. He don't like anyone having the lowdown on him either. So you think on that. And you think on how you ain't the only dangerous one on board." 

Simon looked down at the floor when Jayne laughed. The laugh was ugly. "We don't need a doctor that bad, so I'm guessin' Mal has plenty of other uses in mind for you." 

He looked up and got a nasty smile in return before Jayne walked to the door. Simon stood up. 

"Jayne?" When the other man looked at him, Simon spoke, keeping his voice quiet and clear. "Don't touch me again." 

Jayne didn't say anything, just opened his door. He paused when he saw Mal standing there, frowning at him. 

"You finish your chores?" 

Jayne shook his head. "I was about to get to'em. Just wanted to welcome the newest member of the crew." 

Simon met Mal's eyes when he looked at him but didn't say anything. He watched Mal's thumbs hook into the loops of his pants. He spoke, the smile he aimed at Jayne obviously false. "You don't strike me as the welcome wagon type." 

Jayne shrugged and waited for Mal to move to let him leave. Simon saw them do some non-verbal communication before Mal moved to the side. 

Mal leaned against his doorway, one foot crossed with the other. He searched Simon's face. 

"He giving you trouble?" 

Simon shook his head. "Nothing I can't handle." 

"Would you tell me if he was giving you trouble you couldn't handle?" 

Simon shrugged and walked to the small sink. 

"Possibly." He washed his face, dried it and wondered what Mal wanted. 

He turned and gestured for Mal to sit. Mal shook his head. 

"We got some fresh supplies. Might want to come eat before all the good stuff is gone." 

Simon nodded and walked with Mal to the kitchen. 

"How did the money return go?' 

"Bout well as I expected. He made vague threats that his buyers would not be pleased, but he was happy with the money I handed back to him." 

Simon smiled. "I would imagine he would be. Did you get a chance to buy those supplies?" 

Mal nodded. "Most of them, yeah. We gotta make one more stop. There's a man I trust, at least trust enough, that can get me some items we will definitely need. You sure the information they collect ain't sent to another place?" 

They entered the kitchen together, and Simon nodded. "Yes, I'm very sure. I overheard more than one person in charge say that all information pertaining to what they were doing was kept solely on base in a system designed to be impenetrable by the Alliance. We wipe that, we destroy the entire operation." 

Simon smiled at the grin Mal tossed his way. "I like the way you think, Simon. I can see the next year being a real profitable one, you being a criminal mastermind and all. You know, if you have no objections." The last was said with a sarcastic smile. 

Simon laughed. "Do you really think stealing and smuggling are going to bother me?" 

He moved away from Mal and grabbed a plate. He smiled at Kaylee's invite to sit next to her, and he tried every thing that was served. He sensed that Kaylee wanted to get to know him better, but the few answers he gave her were short and softly said. Dinner was finished quickly, and he volunteered to clean up. Kaylee said she would help; he nodded at her in thanks. 

He saw Mal look at him then at Kaylee, but ignored him. He wasn't planning on doing anything with her. She was too innocent, too alive. He couldn't relate to that right now. He needed someone who had an inkling of what he'd been through, someone who maybe knew what it was like to see the faces of people you'd wronged. 

Simon shook the thought of Mal out of his mind and concentrated on washing and cleaning. Kaylee chirped beside him, and he laughed at a joke she told complete with hand movements. They were almost done when she made a comment about relaxing after working hard. He cleared his throat, 

"Kaylee, I um, well I, I think you're a very nice young lady but I'm kind of in a upheaval right now about everything so why don't we just try being friends?" 

He looked down when she blushed. 

"How'd you know I wanted to, you know, maybe kiss you?" 

"Body language, Kaylee, and the things you said and they way you said them. I can't turn off three years of learning in a few days." He smiled at her. "Plus something tells me I might need my unwilling experience out here in the black." 

"Most likely you're right, Simon." She turned to leave, but at the door she turned back around. "Was I too forward for you? I didn't mean to be." 

Simon shook his head. "No, you didn't push Kaylee, and if I were in a different situation I would be honored that you wanted to spend time with me, but the past three years have done something to me." He stopped. He hadn't meant to say that out loud. Was he more tired than he thought? He wiped his hands off on a stray towel and headed for the door where Kaylee was standing. He nodded to her, hoping she could read the apology in his eyes. 

A soft hand on his arm stopped him. Simon looked into Kaylee's eyes and envied the faith and trust that shone there like a beacon. No wonder Mal threatened to space him earlier. He'd space himself before he put any shadows on her face. 

"I've only known you for a short time, Simon, but you are a good man. A bad one wouldn't worry about all that you seem to worry about." Simon felt her hand rub his arm in comfort before she walked away. 

Simon stared after her in shock. He could not honestly remember the last time someone had said he was a good man. He had occasionally received a "good job" for the results from his interrogations but that never brought him a measure of comfort. He walked back to his room in a mild daze. 

He wasn't surprised to see Mal waiting for him in his room, but a raised eyebrow was the only outward sign he gave at the other man's presence. He decided to see if he was right about what Mal was doing there. 

"If you're worried about that crush Kaylee has, I think it's toned down some. I told her we'd make great friends but that's it." 

Mal's arms crossed and he nodded his head. 

"Good. I wouldn't want her to get her hopes up." Simon didn't move when Mal stepped closer. "Or for you to get yours up." 

Simon moved closer until he felt the heat coming from Mal's body. "I know you don't trust me, but since I gave you an open invitation, I wouldn't go looking elsewhere." 

He sat on his bed, leaving Mal standing and looking at him. He pulled off his shoes. He laughed and knew it wasn't a sound filled with joy. "She actually said I was a good man. Where does she see that? I'm just trying to get my sister out of her own personal hell." 

Simon met Mal's eyes. "Someone like Kaylee deserves more than I have to offer. You can be assured you won't catch us kissing in some dark corner." 

Mal nodded. "I'll take you're word for it, Simon." 

He got up off his bed and stepped in front of Mal. The expression in Mal's eyes didn't change much, but he saw a flicker of interest. He crossed the line into Mal's personal space even though he'd told himself he wouldn't do this. He couldn't afford the distraction that was Malcolm Reynolds, but the man tempted his hard won control and Simon liked that, he liked it very much. 

He could see curiosity and something else in Mal's eyes. That something else sparked into desire when he placed Mal's hands on his hips and shifted his lower body to brush against the other man. 

Simon's eyes roamed over every inch of Mal's face. He wondered how all the parts could make up such a handsome man. He watched Mal swallow and push him away. Simon looked into his eyes, because even though he'd pushed Simon back, Mal's hands were still on Simon's hips. 

"This ain't a good idea, Simon. We need to concentrate on other things and then after awhile this...whatever between us will go away." 

Simon placed his hands over Mal's and nodded his head as if in deep thought. 

"You're absolutely right. It's probably a combination of a lot things that's making us react like this." He wanted to smirk when Mal didn't disagree with the 'we' in that statement. Instead he took Mal's hands off his hips and let them go. Before Mal could read the intention in his eyes he stepped up and quickly pulled Mal down for a kiss. Simon adjusted his stance and let his lips brush back and forth across Mal's before he licked at the warm seam of Mal's closed mouth. 

He was granted access and he explored Mal's mouth, relishing the heat he could feel and taste. He stroked Mal's tongue and invited it into his mouth. He felt hands graze his hips, before traveling to his back, caressing and touching him lightly, then pressing into the contours of his muscles. Simon shuddered at the feel of Mal's tongue in his mouth. He could feel the heat of Mal's body against his chest and he wanted more; he wanted Mal naked and hot, panting over and under him. 

Simon moved his hands over Mal's back, pressing and following the line of his spine down to his backside and back up to start it all over again. This time when Mal pushed him away Simon stepped back and tried to catch his breath, tried to organize his thoughts. At this moment he wanted nothing but to have Mal, and he knew that was an unwise and foolish thing to crave. He massaged a crick out of his neck and sent Mal a small sad smile. 

"I wasn't planning that, really. I agree with what you said earlier, I do, but something about you makes me want to be reckless." He turned away from the sight of Mal standing in front of him, mouth wet, eyes gleaming with a light that dared him to get close again. He cleared his throat. "It might be a good idea for you to go now." 

Simon expected Mal to say something, but he only heard his door slide open and close. He finished getting ready for bed, punishing his body by ignoring it and closing his eyes. 

The next morning they went over the plan again. Tomorrow they would make the last of their purchases and head for Command. It shouldn't take them long to reach the moon and hide on the backside where no sensors could detect them. 

Simon spent a few hours with Book going over the supplies in the infirmary, looking at the crew's medical records and talking about what he should expect once he took over as doctor to the crew. He also made sure Book was okay with Simon replacing him. He was relieved that Book was sincere in his desire to step down as ships' physician. He did offer to help Simon if needed, but he told Simon he was often worried about the treatments he had to perform. 

He was intrigued by Book and tried to find out more about him. Book answered his questions in terms of medicine and any injuries the crew had suffered, but he remained very vague about his own life. Simon read the shepherd's body language, and he told himself to back off. The glint Book got in his eyes while they were talking told Simon the other man knew what he was doing and didn't mind it so much but would guard his secrets. 

The equipment and supplies for the infirmary seemed up to date, and while Simon may have missed the clean, efficient machines he'd trained on, these would do. He felt nervous and attributed it to the upcoming plans. In the kitchen he ate lunch with Kaylee and Inara and halfway through, Wash joined them and told them wild stories about some planets he'd visited. 

Zoe joined them just as Simon was finishing; he excused himself and walked back to his room. She made him nervous because he couldn't get a good read on her. She and Wash made a nice couple, but she didn't seem to talk much beyond details about their job and chores to be done on the ship. Maybe the suspicious looks she sent his way would stop once they got Command out of the way. 

Simon let out a sigh of relief that he didn't run into Jayne on the gangway or that the big merc wasn't waiting in his room, ready to smirk and deliver more threats. He sat down on his bed going over some of the items that he had hidden inside the coat he'd worn onboard. He'd been so relieved to get out of his clothes yesterday and into something else; the "something else" was part of the supplies Mal had brought back with him. 

Simon thought over what Jayne had said last night. The Merc was wrong: Mal probably did feel sorry for him and his sister, but he was right that by helping them Mal also got to pull the wool over some secret organization's eyes and take them out. When he'd gotten the information on Malcolm Reynolds and then did his own independent search it never occurred to him that this would be the outcome. He would never have approached anyone on his own to help him and his sister. 

Simon stretched out on his bed and closed his eyes so he could concentrate on the memory of kissing Mal. It had been good, very good and not just because he hadn't had much honest contact in the past three years. That had been part of it but he'd told Mal the truth when he'd said the older man was a good kisser. 

As for honest contact, Mal knew what Simon had been doing these past three years, and he didn't seem eager to pass judgment on him. He seemed to see in Simon a man who had done what he could to make sure that his sister was safe. She was nowhere near as safe as she could be but at least no one was playing with her brain. Simon couldn't imagine anyone else not judging him for what he'd done. He knew most would regard him with suspicion and distrust. He'd used his body and his training to do harm, and it had chipped away at him until almost nothing was left. 

He fell asleep without realizing it and woke when someone knocked on his door. Yawning he sat up and called out, "Come in." 

Mal slid his door open but didn't step into the room. He also didn't look directly at Simon, just stared at a spot on the wall behind Simon's head. 

"Dinner's ready." 

Simon nodded his head and waited for Mal to close his door. He got up and stretched before washing his face and heading to the kitchen. Dinner was lively with the crew joking and laughing and sharing various stories about their lives aboard Serenity. It was much different than the meals he'd had to endure at Command headquarters. Mostly he took them alone, or if he had to eat with others he spoke only when spoken to and not about anything that could be used against him. It hadn't made for very relaxing meals. 

He again volunteered to clean up, and Zoe and Wash took him up on the offer since it was their turn. He wouldn't admit it but he enjoyed the simple tasks. Washing dishes and storing food was something that had to be done, and he felt like he was helping the crew survive. It was stupid but he ignored that and hoped no one would walk in on him wearing the small smile on his face. They already didn't trust him. 

It didn't take him long to finish; he started for his room but then turned around and headed for the bridge. No one was there; he could see the ship was on automatic. He stood and looked at the blackness and remembered how scared it used to make him. 

He had hidden the fear from Command. If they'd known, they would have arranged some very unpleasant ways to get him to cooperate. Them having his sister was enough. Flying in space represented such total trust in something other than himself that in his usual fashion he'd learned more than he'd needed about shuttles and how to care for them. He was glad to see that his decision to do so was paying off. 

Footsteps scraped against the floor and he turned to see Mal walk through the doorway. Simon turned to look back at the expanse before him and felt Mal move to stand by his side. They stood like that for a few minutes before Mal spoke. 

"I know it can be cruel and kill you within seconds, but I love it out here. It's the only place that's truly free." 

Their eyes met and Simon caught his breath. The moment stretched out beyond the two of them. He could see everything that drove Mal to do what he did, and he never wanted anyone more than he wanted this man right now. He had a bone deep desire to make the life Mal led better. When Mal moved the few inches that put him in Simon's personal space, Simon mirrored the movements until only a whisper separated them. He shivered at the look in Mal's eyes and wondered if his own eyes showed the same hunger. 

"I'll walk you back to your room." Simon nodded at the quiet statement and followed Mal off the bridge and down the steps to the passenger quarters. He'd promised himself he wouldn't make any more moves, but he hadn't counted on the strength of the feelings he was having. The lure to just touch this man was so immense that Simon had no idea how to counteract them. 

They stepped into Simon's room, and he watched Mal slide the door shut. They met in the middle of the room; Simon tried to sputter out an explanation. 

"This probably stems from the fact that we're going to die tomorrow and we both want a last chance to connect with someone or, or we want a distraction so we won't have to think about tomorrow." He tried to think of more reasons but Mal pulled him close with one hand and used the other to unbutton Simon's shirt. 

"Do you really care about the reason?" 

Simon shook his head and put his hands on Mal's waist. Their lower bodies touched, and he could feel how much he was wanted. Actually the wanting was mutual and even though he hadn't done much of anything like this for a while he could sense this was going to be phenomenal. 

Lips brushed his. He opened his mouth and let Mal inside. The kiss started out soft but soon grew heated and rushed and hands were pulling off his shirt and then Mal was kissing him like the world was ending, and maybe it was because he was doing the same. Wet and hot and messy and easily the best kiss he'd ever been involved in. He closed his eyes and let the kiss spread through his entire body. When the world seemed to tilt, he opened his eyes to find himself on his bed, Mal on top of him. 

Clothes disappeared and the reality of Mal naked and in his bed threatened to short out his entire brain, but somehow he persevered. He was nervous, but he let his fingers stroke and explore the body on top of his. Simon must have been doing something right because Mal moaned and shivered, and Simon was glad he wasn't the only one being effected. He closed his eyes again when Mal moved lower and began to kiss and suck on various spots on his body. He moaned and tried to make sense of all the feelings flooding his mind, but it wasn't possible. 

If he kept his eyes open there was no way he could keep even the smallest ounce of control. Simon tried not to make too much noise, tried not to move but Mal's clever tongue and agile fingers drew sounds out of him. Simon didn't recognize the raw, pleading noises, but they had to be from him since Mal's mouth was busy. He could hear his blood pounding in his ears, and when a tongue that must have been born to sin swirled around the tip of his cock, Simon's hips took on a mind of their own and he bucked into that wet heat and lost control. 

Simon thought he was drifting, floating, and if felt peaceful and safe and how could he ever have not felt like this before? He kissed Mal and smiled lazily as Mal spread his legs and used his fingers to get him ready. At this moment he would have done anything for Mal, anything at all. He didn't think he could feel any deeper pleasure than what he'd already experienced, but when fingers brushed up against a spot inside him, shock made his entire body jump and he heard Mal chuckle quietly. 

A few moments later Mal eased inside him, and Simon's entire body welcomed him. Mal moved in and out of him, slow and steady and he reveled in each powerful thrust into his body. It felt better than good and he wanted to stay in this moment forever. Nothing else to do but enjoy Mal pushing into him, both their bodies slick with sweat. Simon let his hands glide over the bunch and release of muscles on Mal's stomach and sides. He moved his hands up and let his fingers brush against Mal's mouth. Simon laughed at the unexpected feeling of Mal capturing his fingers and sucking on them. 

Simon's breath caught as Mal began rock into him harder and faster. A thumb over his right nipple had him arching up closer to Mal, impaling him further on Mal's body. Blue eyes burned with intensity and fire. In that instant, Simon knew Mal was memorizing his face. He wasn't expecting to survive the upcoming job, Simon thought. Or he's not expecting me to. 

Whatever was going through Mal's head, Simon couldn't give him any promises that it would all work out okay. He'd abandoned that line of thought a long time ago. Mal's hands locked onto his hips, gripping him tight enough for Simon to know he'd be feeling it for awhile. Simon sighed, the sound full of pleasure when Mal came inside him, the body above his, hard and unforgiving. He wondered how many people got to see Mal like this. Mal was panting, his voice loud and harsh. Simon pulled Mal down and kissed him gently behind his right ear. 

"Rest, Mal." He let his fingers mold and massage through Mal's hair and when Mal pulled out of him and relaxed, dozing off, Simon let his fingertips trace and memorize every inch of Mal's skin he could reach. Sleep snuck up on him and he didn't fight it. In the middle of the night he woke up with Mal's hands gliding over him. There were places on Simon's body that were already starved for Mal's touch. Simon threw his head back and let Mal feast on his neck, while the older man's hands did wicked things to his chest and stomach. 

Simon didn't realize he was chanting something until Mal covered his mouth, tongue sneaking in and moving around like it was planning to stay. Simon could feel Mal's hand, those talented fingers around his cock, circling and touching and he was hard. All of sudden it was too much, everything was happening too fast and he shook his head, whimpering, his body confused, trying to get closer to Mal, while at the same time, trying to get away. He felt like he was being pulled apart and oh god, it was too much. Mal pulled a little away from him, his voice rough and tender in Simon's ear. 

"Shhh, it's okay, Simon. Just let it go, let it all go. I won't let you fall. Let it happen." 

Simon didn't seem to have a choice. He exploded and felt his entire body expand and contract. He enclosed Mal within his tired arms and murmured softly while Mal rubbed against his sweaty and pliable hips. After Mal climaxed quietly, they went back to sleep. 

Simon got up and pulled on a pair of pants when a soft knock woke him up. Mal was still asleep so he didn't witness the small smile Simon gave Zoe. They both knew why she was there. 

"Tell Mal I need to speak to him." 

Simon nodded and watched her look at him for a few moments before marching off. He sighed and turned to wake Mal. He wanted to do it in a wicked way, but the thought of Zoe waiting on Mal dampened his enthusiasm. Two quick shakes of his hands on Mal's shoulders had him awake. Simon smiled at the sleepy smile he got in return. He rubbed a thumb across Mal's lips. 

"Zoe came by. Said she needed to speak with you." And as if a switch had been flipped, Mal was back to being the captain. The man that had made him ache with pleasure was submerged, but Simon didn't expect anything else. Mal was a man used to being in control; he took his responsibilities seriously. He was surprised when Mal kissed him before leaving. Simon lay back down and tried to sleep. He reached a point between sleep and wakefulness that was just as good. 

Later, they picked up the last of the supplies they needed. The fact that it went off without a hitch had Mal muttering that something had to go wrong at some point. Simon insisted they all go over the plan one more time and Mal agreed. Everyone knew their places and what they needed to do once Serenity was docked with the space station. 

Wash and Kaylee would be staying on board. Book, Mal, Zoe and Jayne would be coming with him onto the space station. It was their job to place the explosives at key points that would make sure the space station was disabled. The explosives would set off an electromagnetic pulse that would destroy all data stored on the space station. There were bound to be people on the station so they'd use gas grenades to make sure everyone would remain unconscious for at least an hour. 

They had two hours until they reached the moon they would hide behind. They could monitor any outgoing transmissions and then get on with their plan. 

The whole ship was on 'silent run'. Simon paced from place to place, growing more nervous until he couldn't take it. He sat down and practiced some breathing exercises that he used to do when he first started working for Command. This was going to happen, and he accepted that. He also accepted the fact that everyone would not survive. He made a promise to himself that he'd get everyone away, including his sister, even at the cost of his own life. 

Everyone gathered in the cargo area and waited for a signal from Wash that he had connected with the space station. Simon was dressed in all black; he had all the gadgets from his coat placed in various spots on his body. The slide into the station dock was quiet, and Simon didn't see any sign that an alarm had been given. He and Mal went one direction while Zoe, Book and Jayne went another. The gas had done its job, but they were all wearing masks just in case. 

He set explosives in the two rooms he'd used to download his reports. The sound of a click in the ear mike he was wearing told him Zoe and Book had their charges set. A few minutes later Jayne signaled, too. Simon suspected two more rooms had data storage capability so he led Mal to them. Mal took one room while he took the other. 

He met Mal coming out and smiled at him. Mal grinned before a shot rang out and he fell. Simon ran into the hallway and skidded next to Mal. No one was in the hallway, but he saw a flash of red turn the corner at the far end. He checked Mal's shoulder and pulled out a pressure pad. He pressed it against the wound. Mal opened his eyes. 

"Go after that bastard. He has your sister." 

Simon looked back down the empty hallway. "How do you know it was her?" 

"She looked like you." Mal pushed him away. "Go. I'll catch up to you." 

Simon stood up. "I'll see you back on the ship." 

Mal nodded. "Yeah." 

Simon tore off in the direction Mal pointed; he had only a few minutes before the explosives went off and the station shut down. He raced down two corridors before he saw her. She was being dragged away by a man in a dark red outfit. Simon opened his mouth and yelled. "Early! Let her go!" The man turned around, and Simon looked into the deadest eyes he'd ever seen. 

At the start of Simon's training, Command assigned him to learn a few techniques from Jubal Early. After one lesson it was decided that Early's way would not fit with Simon's job. The lesson had made Simon glad he was only going to be interrogating people and not retrieving them as Early did. There were rumors about Early and what he did. The man even made Command nervous. 

Simon swallowed and walked up to Early. He briefly looked at his sister; she seemed okay if you ignored the handcuffs and tape across her mouth. Early smiled at him, nasty and delighted all at once. He pulled off his gas mask and spoke, his voice soft and controlled. 

"Simon Tam! I should have known you were behind this. Only someone like you would have the balls." Early shrugged and narrowed his eyes as Simon moved closer. "I don't particularly care what you're doing, but your sister is coming with me." 

"No, she's not." Simon balanced on the balls of his feet and swept a foot out. Early shoved River away and blocked his kick. Simon barely felt the fist that smacked into the side of his body. He let the momentum turn him all the way around then threw a hand, fingers spread, out towards Early's face. The powder made Early choke, but he recovered quickly and aimed a kick at Simon's face. A heavy red boot glanced off of Simon's jaw and he fell back. Early advanced on him, quick as a snake. 

"They promised her to me. Said you were getting too smart, that you'd realize any day they were not going to let her go. She's my reward!" 

Simon gritted his teeth and landed a punch above Early's temple. It stunned the man, and Simon ignored the throb in his hand. He grabbed Early by the neck and turned, bringing his arms to the side and down. Early landed on the floor with a small thud. Simon had a needle pressed in his jugular in the next second. 

Early let out a roar and struggled to stand up. Simon pulled out a knife and slashed it across Early's chest. It cut through the red suit like it was made out of silk. Blood welled up on the knife and Simon skipped back to avoid Early's feet. He stopped though his brain was telling him it was a bad idea. Early made it to his knees before he collapsed back down onto the floor. He looked up at Simon and spit out a mouth full of blood. He was fighting to keep his eyes open, and Simon was glad he'd readjusted the drug in the needle. It should have dropped Early within two seconds, but the man was still awake and aware. 

Simon reached for River's hand and pulled her down the hall. He pushed her in front of him just as a shot rang out, and Simon's right leg went out from under him. Simon braced a hand on the wall and got back up. River pulled at him, her eyes frantic. He nodded and pushed her forward. As he limped behind her, he could feel his blood soaking into the fabric of his pants. A second shot rang out and Simon fell, a burning pain slicing into his side. He motioned for River to keep going. He tried to talk, hoping she would understand him. 

"Find Mal, he's got a gun. He'll take care of you." River stopped and looked at him. Simon frowned and yelled, "River, go! Now!" She ran off, her hair trailing behind her like wings. Simon grunted and turned around. Early was coming. He had one chance to stop him. He closed his eyes and took a steadying breath. He heard Early's stumbling footsteps and slowed his breathing. The footsteps slowed, and he knew Early suspected a trap. He coughed weakly, hoping the shudder that went through his body made him seem weaker than he was. He sensed Early kneeling down next to him, but he didn't move. 

An alarm sounded, piercing and shrill. Simon didn't react. He counted to ten and opened his eyes. He met Early's eyes and smiled. The hand he swept out sliced Early's throat. Blood rained down on him, and Simon turned his head, the small, bloody knife still in his hand. He rolled weakly, watching as Early fell, trying to hold his throat closed. The light in Early's eyes faded out and Simon breathed a sigh of relief. He tried to move but discovered it was harder, way harder, than he thought it should be. He closed his eyes and tried to think of a plan. 

Simon blinked and opened his eyes when Jayne nudged him with his boot. He coughed and watched Jayne and Mal frown at him. When Mal spoke his voice sounded like it was coming from far away. 

"Now's not the time to be sleeping Simon. Let's go." 

Simon tried to laugh. It came out as a croak and he felt blood dribble out of his mouth. "River find you?" 

Mal nodded. "She's on her way back to the ship with Zoe and Book. Can you stand?" 

Simon shook his head. "Don't think so. You need to get out of here. Just leave me." He coughed again. His lungs felt like someone was kneeling on his chest. 

Mal knelt down beside him. "No way, Simon. You and me got a deal, dong ma?" Simon gasped when Mal pulled at him until he was sitting up. "Plus I got no clue what to do with that sister of yours. She's gonna need all your attention. You forget about her? You take a final time out, and these people will find her again. Then all your blood spilling out here will be for nothing. You want that?" 

Simon shook his head or thought he did. Mal helped him stand and he started to walk. Jayne went ahead of them and Simon whispered loudly that he moved so quietly for such a large man. 

Mal laughed. "Yeah, Jayne can move like a ghost when he needs to." 

Simon kept his eyes open but couldn't remember how they got back to Serenity. Mal was mostly carrying him by then, and Simon remembered Mal was shot too. He tried to carry his own weight, but he couldn't feel his legs. Mal didn't complain, and Simon mumbled grateful thanks that lasted for several minutes. Simon didn't react when Mal handed him off to Jayne with an order to get him to the infirmary. As if from a long distance he heard Mal tell Wash to take off. A rush of relief washed through Simon as he let the darkness take him down. 

The bright lights of the infirmary stabbed into Simon's eyes. He was hooked to an I.V. but he knew he was still in danger. He needed a hospital, but that wasn't possible. A rustle of movement had him looking at Mal who stood up and walked over to him. Simon tried to speak, but it took him several minutes to get enough moisture to his lips. 

"If something happens to me, I need you to look after River." 

Mal stared at him, the look in his eyes inscrutable. Simon tried to move but his entire body seemed to be rebelling against any motion. 

"Mal? Will you do that for me?" 

A sharp jerk of Mal's head was his answer. He noticed Mal was shirtless and had a bandage wrapped around his upper right arm. Mal followed the direction of his gaze and touched his arm briefly. 

"You planning on going anywhere, Simon?" 

Simon coughed. "No, but it may not be up to me. I want to know River will be okay." 

Mal bent closer to him, his voice harsh. "It damn well is up to you! You didn't go through all this gou pi to give up now. I don't give a damn if you're tired or how much you hurt. You know what made me decide to help you? The strength of your hate for what you were doing. You hated it and yourself, but when you told us it was to protect your sister, I knew I could trust you with the safety of my crew. You give me a reason to doubt you now, and I'll be very angry." 

A hand gripped his and squeezed. "Trust me, Simon. You do not want to see me angry." The hand let go of his, and Simon would swear he felt a gentle brush along his forehead. "Close your eyes. Get better." 

Simon nodded and went back to sleep. His dreams were full of Early and River and missions that went wrong. The next time he opened his eyes, Book was there. They discussed Simon's wounds, and Simon agreed with Book on his treatment. River came in; Simon swallowed the lump in his throat. Book murmured something and left them alone. She took his hand and brought it to her face. 

"I knew you would come and take me away. The robin told me to get ready to fly and the lion said it would be fierce." 

Simon smiled at her words. She often talked this way when he'd visited her in the past. He would find some way to help her find her way back. He gripped her hand. 

"It's going to be so much better here, River. I'll be able to help you. There won't be anyone trying to lock you away." 

River smiled, the look on her face mysterious. "It's going to be bad and good and it will all be mixed in and out, up and down. Blood and dinosaurs don't go together." She leaned down and kissed his cheek. "One likes you, one fears you, and one just wants to watch." 

Simon watched her skip out the room. He closed his eyes, intending to start planning what he would do when he could get up, but he fell asleep. When he woke, the lighting was low; he barely made out the shape of Mal as he dozed in a chair. He noted that Mal had great reflexes, because he woke up and stared at Simon. He didn't try to make up an excuse as to why he was there; he just got up and got Simon a drink of water. 

"Thanks." 

Mal shrugged. "So what's on your mind Simon. What's next?" 

Simon shifted his body and managed to sit up a little. "I owe you a year of service. Once I heal up a little I plan on finding out what that place did to River." He smirked. "I also know this great town where the bank is just begging to be robbed. You interested?" 

Mal grinned. "Tell me more." 

Epilogue: Three months later 

Simon went over the diagram of River's brain. He was still in shock at learning that it had been cut into numerous times. He pulled his notes closer and wrote down a few more ideas. The medicine they stole should contain all the ingredients he needed for this formula. He kept an eye out for talk about Command, but so far nothing had popped up. There were reports about a small crash on a nearby moon- all that was found was the DNA of two related passengers. 

The news of their hospital heist had made it to the cortex. He'd read the gossip and supposition and smiled at the official stand that the thieves would be found. The heist had been so simple Simon could have done it in his sleep. In and out, easy as pie. 

Simon felt safe, but knew that he would have to look over his shoulder for a very long time to come. Just because certain people thought they were dead didn't mean that would always be true. He kept a low profile, and the crew gave him something to do by getting injured more than he thought they would. 

The bed moved and Mal's hand rubbed his thigh. "They ain't gonna change, Simon. You can look at them again in the morning." 

"You're right." Simon put the diagrams in a folder and tucked it and his notebook under the bed. He turned out the light and settled down into the covers; they smelled like him and Mal and sleepy sweat. Simon managed to turn his brain off long enough to enjoy the feel of Mal's hand on his chest. His life wasn't anywhere close to what it was supposed to have been, but he'd found this ship, this crew and he was happier than he'd been in a long time, if ever. 

The End. 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

Title:   **By Any Means**   
Author:   **Kellygirl**   
Details:   **Standalone**  |  **NC-17**  |  ***slash***  |  **102k**  |  **09/18/05**   
Characters:  Malcolm, Simon   
Pairings:  Simon/Mal   
Summary:  An AU where Simon meets the crew of Serenity at a later time.   
Notes:  No Spoilers for the movie. Some things in a few episodes may be referred to.   
*** Heartfelt thank you to Maystone for the awesome beta and cheerleading. This story improved by leaps and bounds after she got ahold of it.   
  



End file.
